Here are three updates from people who had their letters answered here in the past.
1. Some men in my office refuse to be alone with women
I know everyone loves updates, and I have a somewhat positive one. So the coworker I mentioned in the letter, who had raised the performance review issue up the official channels, had a meeting with HR. They told her that effective immediately, any supervisor who feels they can’t do one-on-ones with a woman will have to have that policy for ANY of their reports. They’re also going to let all employees know that if any of them are uncomfortable with a supervisor that has that policy, they can request a new supervisor (and knowing the company culture in general, I don’t think there’d be any penalty for bringing this up). They’re doing supervisor training soon that will be including the new policy, and I know they’ve already met with at least some of the culprit supervisors to inform them of this change.
I don’t know if there will be any future fallout, but I feel like my company did the right (and smart) thing in making it equal. I feel a lot less conflicted now about coming to work!
2. How do I break bad news about my dog? (#3 at the link)
My good boy passed away in September of last year. With the advice you and the comment section gave me, I handled it in a few ways. After he recovered from his surgery, I sent a note to my team mentioning that he didn’t have very long, and that I had created a mailing list to advertise the adventures we would be going on every weekend to make his life as full as possible. Through this mailing list my coworkers were able to spend extra time with him if they wanted to, and I was also able . When his symptoms came back (unfortunately only a few months after surgery, not the year or more we had been hoping for) I threw him a retirement party during a workday afternoon (with my boss’s blessing) and invited my team as well as his other friends around the office. It was pretty well-attended and we made a lot of memories! About a week after that he passed away, and my manager encouraged me to take the time that I needed to grieve.
It turned out that life without a dog was almost impossible to bear, and I adopted another high-energy book-smart street-stupid herding dog mix only a week or two after that. He’s got a very different personality – notably, he’s a cuddler, which really benefited me while dealing with this loss – and it’s been fun to introduce him to my team and get to know him myself.
I really appreciate the condolences and the ideas that everyone offered. When I wrote in my brain was completely mush from grief and, to be frank, having someone else tell me what I could do made all the difference. Big love and thank you to the AAM family. :)
3. Is it bad to step back from a management job to a less senior position? (#3 at the link)
First, I just want to thank you so much for publishing my letter regarding leaving my management position and joining a new company as an individual contributor. I wanted to let you know that I took the new job. Of course my prior employer did and said all they could in an effort to keep me. Ultimately I knew that nothing would ever change. I know my manager meant well, but everything I was being promised was just hollow promises to keep me from walking out that door. So I gracefully gave my 2 weeks notice, and finished out my time there with plenty of hugs and tears from my former colleagues who I will miss dearly.
I’ve been at my new job for a little over a week now, and I’m loving it so far. The new company really seems to be big on treating their employees well. I actually take breaks away from my desk, for the first time in a long time. My new team really bands together to accomplish the workload. No one person seems to have an unreasonable workload, we all divide it up and lend a hand where needed. Also, there is an on-site fitness center in the building I work in, so I’m now able to use a gym free of charge at anytime I like. Because I’m now working a standard 8 hour shift vs 10/12 hours, I now have more time at home to prep healthy meals and unwind after my day by doing things I enjoy. I have my next physical with my primary care physician in June. I’m hoping that we will see improvements in my blood pressure and other areas.
Thank you so much for posting my question, and I also want to thank the commenters for all of their input. Their support, kindness, and sage advice really helped to reinforce what I already knew deep down inside!
updates: the men who wouldn’t be alone with women, the very good dog, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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