coworker whispers a daily affirmation to me, do I have to tell people I met with about my strep throat, and more
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My coworker whispers a daily affirmation to me
I work in a fairly open plan corporate setting. A new colleague joined another team about a month ago, and passes my station daily on his way to see his boss. Every single morning he briefly stops, wait for me to make eye contact, whispers “You’re amazing” to me, and heads on his way.
It’s flattering but odd, and can take me out of my headspace. I am incredibly busy (which I don’t expect a new person on another team to appreciate), and he has probably been told that I will be a useful resource to him — which is true, if my workload allows. Some mornings I’ve turned it into a quick chat (“How are you settling in? “Plans for the weekend?”) — enough to learn he is happily married and some of his hobbies. This interaction comes across more as pleasant-but-awkward coworker rather than creepy person.
I am not aware of him doing it to others: he passes about a dozen workstations and another dozen offices on this route, and he definitely doesn’t do it to the ~one third that I can see/hear.
I’m generally cheerful and approachable, have a reputation for knowing the answer to whatever question people have, and always being busy (it’s true, and I’m addressing that with my bosses separately). I have a very prominent workstation on a corner, right outside our CEO’s office, so many infer I am somewhat important.
Am I doing any damage letting this daily affirmation continue? I think some mornings I likely haven’t looked up being buried in some task, and he hasn’t interrupted me so I appreciate that. My neighbor is utterly baffled by it, but I don’t think it’s affecting her work much. It is building an easy opportunity to talk about work but our paths won’t cross too frequently task-wise — and if they do it will be one way, generating some work for me rather than them.
This would creep me out — the whispering, ugh! — but I’m forcing myself to take you at your word that your vibe is that he’s being awkward rather than creepy. And I can actually picture this type — extremely cheerful, does things that would be smarmy from someone else but just seems … wholesomely weird from him?
I mean, who knows, maybe it’s a bizarre Machiavellian maneuver to set you up to feel a higher degree of obligation to his work requests, although it doesn’t sound like he’ll have many for you — but it could also be 100% a response to you seeming like a gatekeeper to the CEO. Either way, ew.
But I don’t think there’s any reason you have to put a stop to it. It doesn’t sound like it’s bugging you too much — it’s just a weird thing that can provide mild entertainment for you and your neighbor. That said, if you ever do want it to stop, you could always respond with cheerful briskness, “Okay, that’s enough of that!” or “You’re going to need to wait for me to actually earn that” … or begin your own whisper campaign of “you’re magnificent,” etc.
2. Do I need to tell people I met with that I later developed strep throat?
A significant portion of my job is shuttling clients around to important meetings with investors. This involves a lot of shaking hands, etc., where there’s plenty of opportunity to spread disease. After one round of such meetings last week, I was suddenly struck ill (103 degree fever, difficult to talk, etc). A day later I managed to make it to the doctor where I was diagnosed with strep throat. Not fatal, obviously, but not much fun and quite contagious. Do I reach out to the parties I met with and let them know so that they can take steps to avoid spreading the illness themselves (coworkers, kids, etc.)?
I’m interested to hear other opinions on this, but I don’t think you need to. According to a bunch of medical sources that Google led me to, strep throat symptoms usually develop within two to five days after someone was exposed. You sent this to me on Friday of last week, which means that the meeting you were at “last week” was the previous week — meaning you’re already outside that time window. (I’m far from an expert on infectious disease though, so let’s see what others have to say.)
3. Asking for work before I start
I recently got the job I’ve wanted for a few months at a new company. I don’t start until mid June, but am very excited, and want to do some prep work before I start (part of my job involves creating structure around strategy and data). Would it be too much to reach out to my manager and ask them if they had any documents or guiding thoughts as prep work for the job ahead? I should mention I’ve already signed with them and agreed to a start date.
If you really want to, it’s fine to ask if there’s anything you can read to start preparing before your first day, but I’d leave it at that. Don’t ask for guiding thoughts or other prep work, and be prepared for the answer to be that nope, they’ll get you everything you need once you start. It’s great that you’re enthusiastic and want to come in prepared, but (a) you don’t work there yet and you shouldn’t give away your time for free and (b) your new manager may not have the time to put anything together for you before you officially start anyway.
4. A company expedited my interview, but then said they couldn’t compete with my other offer deadline
So after months of job hunting in the financial sector, I received an offer. Not the job or the direction I want to go in, but it’s a start. While reviewing this offer, I also was asked to come in for a second round, final interview with my preferred other company. They expedited my interview because I was transparent about my other job offer deadline. I had the final interview and received an email from HR saying they would not be able to compete with the other deadline since I was the first person they met and they want to follow through on the process.
I made the choice to decline the first offer due to it not being a good long-term career decision. I replied with this information briefly to my preferred company, asking to still be considered. Am I just not seeing the “no” here? No response back yet but it hasn’t even been a day. Thoughts?
When a company expedites your interview because they know you have another offer, that means they think you might be strong enough they’d want to snatch you up before the other company does. But when you do that expedited interview and then they tell you, “Well, actually, we need to stick with our original process and timeline so won’t have an answer for you before the deadline on your other offer,” that means that they decided from your interview that they’re not interested enough to do said snatching. Sometimes that means they learned from the interview that you’re a definite no for them, and sometimes it means you’re still a possible yes but they’re not interested enough to short-circuit the rest of their process. To be honest, it’s not great news — reading between the lines, they’re not especially enthused about you, at least not right now.
They might get back to you and tell you they’ll be glad to keep you in their process, or they might tell you they don’t think it’s the right match, or they might not respond at all (which is rude but common). But it’s fine that you asked to stay in their process. Now it’s just in their court.
5. Letting candidates pick between Skype or in-person interviews
I’m on a hiring committee for the first time, in a job I’m fairly new at. My field has a notoriously dismal job market, and we have many strong candidates who all know they are vying for scarce opportunities.
While making plans for the second round of interviews, the issue of travel funds came up. There’s no guarantee we will be able to pay for candidates’ travel, and several committee members suggested that in the future we offer candidates the chance to choose between Skyping in for the second interview or traveling. The in-person interview includes a tour, a chance to meet with clients, a presentation by the candidate, and a meal with the committee. I don’t believe a Skype interview is an equitable replacement, and I’m worried that offering this choice will privilege those that can afford travel, or put people in the awkward position of telling a hiring committee that they are trying to impress that they can’t afford travel. I’m also worried that to avoid that, or out of fear of looking disinterested, candidates will spend money they don’t have on travel, and we’re back to the original problem but will have put the responsibility on the candidate by saying it was their choice.
I suggested that the only equitable solution was to pay for everyone’s travel, or have everyone skype, but that didn’t gain much traction. My colleagues are thoughtful people who are sensitive to issues of equity, so I’m second-guessing myself. Am I off-base?
Nope, you’re right. You should pay for everyone’s travel or have everyone Skype for this round. I do think you need to see your finalists in-person at some point, but maybe that means you need a third round in the process just for your top two or three finalists.
That said, companies that don’t pay for candidates’ interview travel do typically do what your committee member suggested — leave it up to the candidates, knowing some will pay to fly themselves in and others will not. But if you care about equity (and it sounds like you do), that’s not a solution you should pursue because it means you’re likely to disadvantage candidates based on their finances.
coworker whispers a daily affirmation to me, do I have to tell people I met with about my strep throat, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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