Remember the letter-writer last month whose coworker gave her kid $20 and told him to keep it a secret? Here’s the update.
I read through every comment and I definitely understand where everyone is coming from and I deeply appreciate all the advice and information! To be completely honest, I didn’t even think of this as grooming behavior until I really read it from y’all and online, but it does make sense.
As far as my former boss goes, she is a former boss because of her overstepping boundary behavior. She is an older woman in her late 60s/early 70s who has no children and never been married, so I do think she just doesn’t know the norm when it comes to children.
I took Alison’s advice and brought the $20 back to her office. I approached the conversation with the advice of “I know you meant to be nice BUT….” and continued with the rest. It was hard to fight through the anxiety, but she was understanding, deeply apologetic, said it will never happen again and that she didn’t mean the secret as a literal secret and that she was just being kind of funny and didn’t realize the severity of what she said.
I have moved my son though and he now sits at a desk with workers surrounding him (three awesome ladies) within eye view of my desk, just to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I spoke with him about the incident as well and praised him for telling me right away. I did take the $20 from him but we stopped for ice cream on the way home after work since he was open and honest with me. Ever since he was little, I’ve made a point to tell him if he ever had a problem he could always come to me without any judgement and I will back him up 100% and he has taken me up on this a few times through which I’ve proven it to him. He knew I would be upset if he kept it from me so it was in his best interest to let me know ASAP, plus she made him uncomfortable since he doesn’t keep secrets from me at all.
I wouldn’t have been upset if she asked me first and if it was a couple dollars but the amount and the “secret” was definitely a line crosser but I believe I got the point across (fingers crossed).
update: my coworker gave my kid $20 and told him to keep it a secret was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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