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what to do when a potential reference turns you down

A reader writes:

How do I respond to a rejection email from a potential reference? I am a graduate student and requested a reference from a professor I know well. I was shocked when she responded, “You can use me as a reference, but I would have to be honest… if they ask me about your timeliness or reliability for example, I cannot say that it is excellent. That would be quite bad for you so I’m not sure if I’m the right person to be your best reference. I hope you understand.”

I disagree with her appraisal that I am not reliable, and am wondering why she feels this way. I was late with an assignment, and to her class in the beginning of the semester, but was consistently early after we spoke about it. How do I respond?

I answer this question — and four others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

Other questions I’m answering there today include:

  • Can I shorten my notice period when resigning?
  • Should we re-hire employees who quit and now want to return?
  • How can I help a staff member get better at thinking on her feet?
  • Can I put work on my resume that I can’t verify?

what to do when a potential reference turns you down was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.



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