A reader writes:
My question is how to deal with unbearably negative workplaces when you have no power within them, and it’s not really appropriate for you to say anything to anyone.
I’m an in-office contractor (fewer than 20 hours per week) for a client, and the culture is SO negative. Every assignment I’m given is done so with an air of “I’m sorry you have to deal with this horrid project” (for a very standard, not-horrid project), and client requests are similarly phrased, “I’m sorry they’re so unreasonable” (they’re not). Some people curse and complain over any tiny inconvenience, like office equipment not working properly. It’s like when one employee is spiraling and you know they’re about to quit or get fired, except it’s everyone.
As the former owner of a toxic job I really do sympathize, and I try my best to not engage with the behavior and act as positively/productively as I can, but the attitudes are making me dread working with them. It’s amazing how much more difficult a job gets when someone tells you how hard it is! However as a person who’s there less than half the time, and a contractor to boot, it doesn’t really feel appropriate to mention it.
I’d like to stay on the project, and would love any tips you have on how to cope!
This is tough when you’re a part-time contractor and thus don’t have the type of standing to say “hey, this is making work life really unpleasant” that you’d have in a more secure role.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t say anything — it just changes what’s appropriate a bit.
In your shoes, I’d try just cheerfully countering your colleague’s remarks about how dreadful everything is. When they apologize that you have to deal with a “horrid project,” you say, “Oh, this is fine! I actually really like doing X!” or “Oh, X isn’t so bad! I’ll start on this and have it back to you by Thursday.” When they apologize for reasonable clients, you say, “I like working with Lily! Don’t worry at all” or “Nah, she’s fine! I love her stories about her goats.”
You have to do this in moderation though, since you don’t want to become known as someone’s who’s annoyingly pollyanna-ish and won’t ever acknowledge legitimate problems.
Another tactic is sincere confusion: “Have you found Lily difficult to work with? I haven’t run into any issues with her.” You have to deploy this one strategically though, so that you don’t sound like you’re being contrary or implying you’re better at dealing with the client than they are.
There’s a chance that by doing this, people will pick up on the fact that you don’t share their outlook and may stop spewing negativity all over you … if for no reason other than that you won’t be a satisfying audience to vent to.
But all of this is in tension with the fact that as a contractor, you want to fit in, at least to some degree … and there’s potentially a danger that highlighting how differently you see things will alienate some of them, which potentially can matter for things like contract renewal. It can also go the other way, though — you can end up being seen as the client whisperer, the person who can handle tough situations with aplomb, and someone who’s admirably unrattled. I don’t know which of those your situation will end up being, so you’d want to watch for cues about whether your cheeriness is a welcome break for people in a pit of negativity or whether it’s annoying them.
“I’m so sorry you have to work on this garbage project with these horrible clients” was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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