when going to a nude sauna with coworkers, what do I do about nipple piercings? … and other questions
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. When going to a nude sauna with coworkers, what do I do about nipple piercings?
I’m an American living in Europe, in a country where nude baths, nude saunas, etc. are normal. So normal, in fact, that my company has a yearly trip to one.
On principle, I have no problem with this, but I have nipple piercings, and I’m worried that they’ll be noticed/commented on. Normally I love getting compliments about them, but I don’t want my coworkers to know about this very private body modification. I try to maintain a gentle, low-key work persona, and I keep my work and personal life very separate. I’m worried that that would be negated by people knowing about this.
It’s entirely possible that no one will even notice them, or say anything, but the work culture is relatively conservative, and I don’t want to shock people. I just want to enjoy the sauna. Any advice for getting through this, or how to respond to comments if I do get them, would be highly appreciated.
If you don’t want people to know about the piercings at all, you’d need to either remove them ahead of time (which might be impractical if they close up as quickly as people say they do) or skip the nude sauna. But if you just don’t want to talk about them … well, personally I’d respond to any comments with “Hey, I’m American, and thus I need to maintain a fiction that no one can see me right now.” Adapt to fit your personality.
But I suspect you’ll find that in a culture where public nudity is no big deal, people will have seen nipple piercings before and won’t be as shocked as you fear they will be.
2. Interviewer wanted to tie their offer to my current salary
I had a phone interview today where I’m not sure if I did the right thing. Before the call, I had done some research on the company and the job, and had an idea of what they normally pay for the position they’re hiring for. Based on this, and where I’m at in my career, I had a general salary range I was prepared to negotiate whenever it was brought up in the interview process.
However, during the phone screen, the hiring manager asked what I’m making at my current position and I told her what I make. From there, she said “Okay, so then I’ll mark down that it would be your current salary + $3,000 to hire you on.” I was unprepared for this and didn’t dispute it, and the interview went on normally.
The problem is that I understand that I am underpaid for my positon, and it is one of the reasons why I am job hunting. Should I have lied to the hiring manager about my current salary to be more in line with what I feel is realistic? Or is there a good way to mention further down the in the interviewing process that I would need a bit more salary for this to be a viable option?
Don’t lie about your salary. Some companies, especially companies that base salary offers on your current salary, will do a salary verification later in the process, and if it comes out that you lied, they’ll pull your offer.
Ideally you would you said in the moment, “Actually, being underpaid at my current position is one of the main reasons I’m looking for a new role, and I’m seeking a salary in the range of $X-Y, which seems to be more in line with the market rate.” (Of course, to do that, you need to do enough research beforehand that you can get those numbers right.)
It’s not too late now to email the hiring manager and say, “You brought up salary and I should have noted in the moment that I’m seeking a salary in the range of $X-Y. My current salary is below-market, and it’s one of the reasons I’m looking to move on, so I wouldn’t want to base a new salary on it.”
Also, this practice sucks and is increasingly on the way out.
3. I’m asked to lead workshops that feel like lip service
I work for a decent company that runs a survey twice a year to take the pulse of the workforce. HR will then group like comments and the large problems sift to the top. More than once, I have been asked to facilitate one of these workshops to drill down and get more meaningful data — affinity diagrams, SWOT analysis, and the like. All of this seems like the right move, and during the workshops people are energized and hopeful. It always goes well.
Then the next survey comes up and the same issues float to the surface, which is not that surprising. More training, better communication, etc. Again I am asked to help, mostly because I work in a different department and I am perceived as “neutral” and “safe.”
Here’s the rub. When I look at the notes and recommendations from the last workshop I realize that nobody took the baton and did anything with the root cause. No wonder it’s still an issue! It is only my role to be a non-biased facilitator to gather data and help the group develop a few focus areas where gaps are. The group recommends something to the department lead, and I go back to my actual job where I have zero visibility on this other business function.
Even though the group is comprised of different folks each time, I still feel like it will not take long before these workshops are perceived as lip service and that the company doesn’t really care. I do not want to be the poster child for a corporate facade. I also want my efforts to be valuable and meaningful.
I would like to politely decline to help going forward and explain that I have noticed that there is no follow-up and maybe they should just work on the recommendations from the last workshop. Should I simply decline? I could do this with zero repercussions. Should I decline with the “no follow-up” reason stated above? Recognize that even if nothing is happening, it’s still team building and people feel like they are being heard? Basically just keep doing it and hope for the best? Try to reach the group that has the ability to make change and strongly recommend they act on these recommendations… again? On one hand, I care about the company and I want what is best for all. On the other hand, it’s not my circus and they are not my monkeys!
I definitely wouldn’t decide it’s still useful team-building and people feel like they’re being heard — because people have probably already figured out that they’re not being heard, and that’s the opposite of team-building. And you risk your own credibility getting tied up in that if you continue to facilitate the sessions.
I think your best bet is to say, “I’m concerned that the sessions are starting to be seen as less credible and as only lip service, with no real change resulting from them. Given that, I’m going to pass this year — but my suggestion if you want them to be effective is to figure out what to do with the recommendations that come out of them. I think people will be much more invested, and we risk less demoralization, if we show people we’re really acting on those.”
However, if you’d be saying this to someone who reacts poorly to dissent and who has influence over your work, there’s no incentive for you to take that risk. In that case, since you say you can decline with no explanation and no repercussions, that might be your better option.
4. Company wants me to take a course that I’d need to reimburse them for if I leave
I’m a project manager at a smallish company. Without excessive detail, it’s a very dysfunctional workplace and I’m planning my exit for my own sanity. However, my manager really really likes me, and wants to send me on a very expensive training course … a condition of which is that I have to repay the company for the cost of the course if I leave within 12 months of completing it. How do I refuse without making it clear that I’m not planning to hang around? I definitely cannot confide in my manager that I’m looking elsewhere because she is very dug-in, and will feel personally betrayed by my departure (I’ve seen it happen). How do I navigate this??
It’s not uncommon for companies to require a repaying agreement when they do tuition reimbursement — but that’s usually education that the employee herself is pursuing and the company is paying as a benefit. It’s not typical or reasonable to do this for job-related training that your manager is proposing on her own.
Say this: “I’d be glad to take this course, but I’m not comfortable signing an agreement to pay back the costs if I leave within a year. I don’t have any current plans to leave, but I can’t predict what life might throw at me. I could end up needing to leave for reasons I can’t anticipate now — health, family, who knows — and I don’t want to be tied into owing money if that happens. If that means you’d rather not send me to the course, I completely understand.”
5. Explaining how you spent a year of unemployment … when you didn’t do much
My boyfriend has been laid off a year ago and he hasn’t found a job since. Aside from job searching and feeling sorry for himself, he didn’t really do much. Being laid off was a huge blow, and when he started to search for a job he didn’t manage to get interviews, so he got quite depressed. Now he’s ready to actively job search again. I’ve bought your book (I finally got a hold of his resume, and it needs work!), but what does he say when interviewers ask about the past year ? He hasn’t followed any training or did volunteering or anything like it to be able to say that he still kept busy. He spent time with friends and family, played games, or was too down to do anything.
One option: “I was lucky enough to have the ability to take some time off to attend to some family issues. But now I’m ready to jump back into work, and I’m using this opportunity to be very selective about my next role.”
Or, if he’s had a fairly high-pressure career history where he could credibly say this, here’s another option: “I used the opportunity to take some time off! I’d been working in high-pressure roles for a while, and I welcomed the opportunity to take a break and spend time with my family. But now I’m ready to jump back into work.” (This works if he was, saying, working on political campaigns or in another industry with notoriously high pressure and long hours. It doesn’t work if he was a job with more typical pressures.)
when going to a nude sauna with coworkers, what do I do about nipple piercings? … and other questions was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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