Why We Overthink Networking

This was a short essay that I originally posted on my subreddit "theartofDM."

I wrote it in response to my general observations on how people view networking nowadays:

that it's something that has to have an ulterior motive, which brings about a fear of being "found out."

Hence all the false bubbliness and positivity that you usually see at networking events.

It's shame, to be quite honest, to have networking be perceived this way.

I get it - we've all been there. I've been there - hundreds of applications in, 50+ rejections, and still waiting for that one offer.

But then again, you're not automatically entitled to a job.

What do you bring to the table? What do you have to bring to the table? These questions only you can answer and to find out the answers to these questions for the industry you want to join, you must ask people who currently in that industry what they brought to the table that got them their job and what is now currently valued in the industry.

And then why should people pick you? Why should someone trust you to do the job? Hence why referrals work - because we're being told by someone we trust that so and so is someone we should trust.

Here's the essay:

TLDR:

1. Hiring managers, professional contacts - they're just people like you and me. Talk to them like normal people.
2. People will talk to you if you seem interesting and interested. You don't have to give anything in return. Networking is not as transactional as you think it is.
3. Kindness is everywhere. You just have to go look for it.
4. Overthinking when networking and job-hunting is probably just a response to fear. A fear of not getting something that you're expecting to get. How do you remove that fear? Stop focusing so much on what you'll be getting out of each and every conversation. Start to think in macro terms - how do I join this industry (community)? And once I join, how can I make it better? Build. BUILD!
5. Be of the community, not simply in the community.

Sometimes, we overthink.

When you're looking for a job and/or networking, remember that you're talking to real people.

Why would they hire me? Why would they talk to me? Should I just randomly start talking to people?

Look - sometimes, people are just nice.

They'll respond to your DM even if they don't think they have anything to gain.

They'll accept your connection request because of some shared commonality (or even when there is none) even if they've never met you.

They'll even give you advice that they wish they got out of genuine interest in your career.

There's a lot of kindness out there.

Seriously.

For the cynics out there, here's a story:

Six months before I was set to graduate from college, I found myself not liking finance and not really getting anywhere in my interviews and job applications. I realized that I needed to focus on a different field, but which one?

One day, I came across an alumni careers event. I did not sign up for the event, but walked right in. Apparently, there were extra spots available because of all the people who didn't turn up. I sat down at the nearest table (there were tables set up in this hall - one for each industry field).

There were only two people at that table. A man who looked to be in his 50s and I. We didn't know each other so out of the blue, I just started talking. I had no idea which field he was in - only that he was the only person there and seemed nice. I remember quickly glancing at the sign that was supposed to mark the industry field for each table.

I saw the word "law."

So I started chatting with him about law, asking the typical questions like "what's it like?" and so on. Somehow, we got carried away and started talking about Italian Opera, which was a class that I was taking at the time for fun. We talked about Verdi, Mozart, the differences between Italian and German opera.

It was an odd but fun conversation.

At the end of the conversation, he invited me to an event for lawyers and I readily accepted. One event led to another (the first event was probably one of the weirdest experiences of my life), and the more lawyers I met, the more introductions I got to even more lawyers.

He also introduced me to one of my other close lawyer friends, who introduced me to lawyer after lawyer.

And just like that, my network grew from knowing one person in law to knowing 100+.

Funnily enough, even as my network reached 100+ lawyers, I still didn't really consider law as a career option.

So whenever I would speak with someone, I never mentioned that I was looking for a job (I should've done this more often in retrospect, but at the time, I had not even considered law as an option).

They were the first to bring up hiring.

What eventually got me interested in law as a profession was getting hired as an intern for a lawyers' association even without asking for an internship. The conversation literally went like this:

Hiring manager for internship - "Hey - I see you at these events all the time. Want an internship?"

Me - "Sure"

That internship led me to 20+ interviews at some of the top corporate law firms in NY, which was how I went from not knowing anything about law to working at a top 5 corporate law firm in NYC.

A job that I think got 100+ applications.

Point is, networking and job-hunting is not a transactional and linear process.

To switch gears, what is an industry?

An industry functions like a community of people giving value to each other in exchange for value.

Want to join the community? Great! Provide value. Give your time, offer your skills, offer to help.

Build up the community, which is what I did by interning at a lawyers' association and helping out at 3-4 evening events every single week during that internship. Even now, I volunteer at events from time to time, simply because I enjoy being around people in that community.

I'll do all I can to help each and every one of those people even though I'm not in law anymore.

Be of the community, not just in the community.

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