A reader writes:
I started working as an executive assistant at a company I love this summer, and a couple of months later, another executive assistant – we can call her Tracy – started too. We are the only two executive assistants in the company, and a lot of our work intersects; although we assist different executives, the teams that report to them overlap a lot. I am a career administrative support worker, whereas Tracy has more experience in human services/social work. I’m much more organized and detail-oriented, whereas she has great empathy and interpersonal instincts.
Day one, we mutually clocked each other as queer, and discovered throughout the following week we share a lot of other things that matter to us… we quickly developed a strong rapport which we describe as “work besties,” regularly eat lunch together, and have made plans to socialize outside of work.
But what’s becoming a problem is that Tracy’s performance isn’t up to par with mine. I came up to speed very quickly when I started, and by the time she started, I was well established and able to help her out a lot. Because of our friendship, she’s been open with me about the fact that the kind of work we do doesn’t come as naturally to her as it does to me, and I’m instinctively compelled to take up the slack so that we excel together as a team (and have been doing so), but… I can’t continue to be responsible for her. During her onboarding period, I advocated for Tracy to our shared supervisor, Kathy, and to Tracy’s executives, but as time goes on and she isn’t learning as quickly as people expected or as quickly as I did, I feel less like I can put myself on the line for her. However, I’m not sure how to pull back without it being extremely personal and hurting Tracy’s feelings. Especially since we so enthusiastically bonded. (I have a tendency, in all aspects of my life, to go full throttle and am trying to develop restraint.)
I’ve already let Kathy know that I’m invested in Tracy’s success but am having issues in deciding where to draw the boundary between us as a team versus us as individuals, and she said she is keeping an eye on the situation and asked me to let her know if I notice any problems. Tracy has also already been told, by Kathy, that she needs to depend on me less and learn how to catch/correct mistakes on her own.
I just don’t know how to navigate the nuances of our shared responsibilities, let alone how to decide when I should/shouldn’t be escalating, and am particularly concerned that Tracy might lose this job – both because having a counterpart with whom I am so comfortable and compatible is definitely an asset, and because I care about her well-being. On the other hand, it isn’t fair for me to take that on. Professionally speaking, I need to put on my own oxygen mask first! Personally speaking, I’m not sure if I should also be pulling back socially. How should I approach this?
You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it.
I can’t keep helping my work BFF do her job was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
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