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It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My boss chastised me for being in pain from menstrual cramps
I just had something happen at work that I’m fairly insulted by: I got my period this morning and my cramps are extra bad. I thought I threw my painkillers in my purse on the way out the door, but apparently I must have missed because they weren’t there when I got to work. So my cramps continued to get worse and you can definitely see it on my face, but I didn’t want to spend the ridiculous amount that convenience stores charge for a tiny bottle of painkillers. My manager saw that I was in pain and he said, “You need to take care of this because this is unprofessional. It’s unprofessional for you to be in pain on the floor. You need to go to the store and buy painkillers.” (I work in auto sales as a sales consultant. There were absolutely no customers in the dealership at the time and I was in the manager’s office telling him he had a call, so I was wincing while out of view of anyone.)
Needless to say, I feel rather insulted and fairly discriminated against. Was it okay for my manager to say that? Oh and of course, the cramps are bad enough that painkillers aren’t helping anyway, so it was a complete waste of time. Maybe now I’ll just get fired because of my own body that I can’t control.
It’s true that when you’re working with customers (which you weren’t), it’s not great to be visibly in pain. But then the appropriate response from your boss would have been to check in about how you were doing and whether needed anything and whether you should go home, because you are a fellow human who is suffering … not to call you unprofessional for having a body that sometimes experiences pain.
The only way what your manager said would be justified would be if you were, like, lying on the floor grimacing and clutching your sides and loudly cursing your uterus while calling out for the comfort of your mother, and otherwise turning your cramps into a public set piece. Assuming that’s not what was happening, your boss sounds like an ass.
2. My coworker is job-searching — should I tell our boss?
I was in a meeting with my coworker today (just the two of us) and she was screen-sharing with me. She accidentally showed her personal email account, which had several emails regarding interviews and her resume. I only saw it for a second but now I’m concerned that she could be a flight risk. I just stared this job a few weeks ago and rely on her for her expertise (we have the same job and same level, but she has been here for several years). Should I tell my boss about her potentially leaving? Or should I pretend I didn’t see anything on her computer screen, since it was after all on her private email and she didn’t mean for me to see it?
Ooooh no, do not say anything to your boss about this. This wasn’t information that you were supposed to see, and it is so very much Not Your Business, especially as a brand new employee. (It wouldn’t be your business as a not-new employee either, but it’s especially the case when you’re so new.)
Anyone could be a flight risk at any time, assuming you’re not working with indentured servants. That’s just part of the deal! I get that you’re relying on her to train you, but really, she could win the lottery tomorrow and never come back, and your employer would find a way to make do.
3. I’m job searching and have four upcoming vacations already booked
When is it appropriate to inform the potential employer of any upcoming vacations that have already been booked? I’m currently job searching and my husband and I have already booked four upcoming vacations before the end of this year. The first is a week long. The one after is over Labor Day weekend but includes the Thursday and Friday of that weekend. Then a friend’s bachelorette which is Thursday to Sunday. The last one is 10 days over Christmas, which my husband and I are calling our honeymoon since we didn’t get to go on one yet. Is this going to hurt my chances of getting hired?
In general with pre-booked vacations, you wait until you have an offer and then explain the dates you already have booked and ask if they can be accommodated. This stuff can often be negotiated as part of an offer, but you must bring it up then and not spring it on your boss after you’re already hired.
That said, this is a lot of time to ask to have off in the first five months of a new job, especially the 10 days over Christmas, which is a time that a lot of other people might already have dibs on (and which could be a problem if you’re in a job that requires coverage — some do and some don’t). The 10 days at Christmas might be fine if they were all you were asking for, but combined with another week, plus two days, plus two more days … it’s a lot, especially if you’re not coming in at a senior level (where you might have more leverage).
If you can, I’d pick one of the long ones, but not both. And then present this not as a settled thing that will be happening, but rather as a question about whether or not it could be accommodated, making it clear you’d be willing to cancel some of them if needed (assuming it’s not a deal-breaker for you).
4. My former coworkers won’t stop contacting me with gossip
A little over a month ago my one-year temporary position ended, but since then I haven’t been able to get my old coworkers to stop contacting me. On the job I had many “work friends” and left on great terms (company-sponsored happy hour, flowers, gift card, etc.) but I’m someone who likes to draw the line between work life and personal, and never intended to keep up with those same “work friends” after my job was over.
In the weeks since I left, I’ve had several former coworkers attempt to contact me on every social media site that you can find someone from just having their cell number, including Whatsapp, Instagram, Snapchat, and text messages. This is especially strange because even when I was employed there, I never accepted any of their friend requests and politely declined attempts to hang out at non-work events. I wouldn’t go as far to say that my former workplace was a toxic environment, but it was definitely rife with gossip (a culture that admittedly I engaged in but thought once I left it would stop). The correspondence they send is mostly an attempt to find out where I’m currently working and share office place gossip/drama that I no longer care about. So far I have just ignored the messages and friend requests, but I feel like I’m being rude by doing that. How can I make it stop? Can you provide some reasons as to why people would keep contacting an old coworker that hasn’t shown interest in keeping up a friendship?
To provide some additional context, the people who contacted me were lower on the corporate ladder than I was, but since we are all in our 20s I think they feel more comfortable in trying to reach out to me than they would an older person. I’m still in negotiations with my new employer but I don’t feel the need to give constant updates to my former coworkers when I know the information will just be fodder for gossip.
I think you’re fine ignoring the friend requests, but there’s some value in not ignoring the messages entirely, since these are people you might run into again in the future. That doesn’t mean that you have to become pen pals or provide fodder for gossip, but you could send a a one-time “Hey! I’m swamped with the new job but hope everything is going well for you!” reply. It’s reasonably friendly, but it’s vague and it sets up a reason for why they might not get more replies. From there, you don’t need to keep replying.
As to why it’s happening: It sounds like it’s an effect of the gossipy culture you mentioned. They see you as a partner in that still and assume you’re still interested. Plus, because they’re young (20s), they probably haven’t had a ton of experience with leaving jobs and the way that makes most people want to disconnect from this kind of thing. And I’m just guessing, but if they’re not in challenging jobs, the work itself isn’t keeping them occupied and they’re filling the space with this, without realizing that it’s weird to be sending the tentacles of this workplace’s drama out after people who have left it.
5. Is it really okay to use my company’s e-learning portals?
My office has spent a lot of money on providing excellent e-learning portals we can use, including a virtual learning platform where you can watch webinars or complete workbooks as diverse as “psychotherapy for dummies” and “being influential at work.” I feel uncomfortable using these learning platforms at work, even though they are part of our office tools and have some useful stuff in them. I am currently in a summer lull period at work, so I am tempted to use them. Is there any etiquette for using these platforms and others like it?
They’re supplying them so that you can use them! It’s true that you shouldn’t be spending your entire day every day on them, and you shouldn’t use them if people are waiting on you for things, but if you’re on top of your work, you absolutely can take take advantage of these! In fact, your company will probably be pleased that you’re doing it, since they invested resources in providing this. (That said, before spending any significant time on one that’s totally unconnected to your work, it’s not a bad idea to touch base with your manager about it. You could say, “I’m really interested in the company’s e-learning portal on X and would love to use some of our summer lull to check it out. But obviously it’s not directly related to my work so I wanted to run that by you first.” She may tell you there’s no need to check with her, or she may direct you toward something she’d rather you spend the time on.)
my boss chastised me about my menstrual cramps, job-searching with four vacations already booked, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
A reader writes:
Over the past few years, I have noticed that when I have been notified by email for a interview, it tends to ask for me to confirm my attendance (“please email back by X date to let us know you’re able to attend”). I do this, but I don’t seem to ever get any reply back. I would feel less worried about this, but there have been at least two times when I have gone to where the interview is being held, only to find it’s been cancelled.
One time it was being held at a separate location, and no one was there. I tried to call a few times, finally getting through later that afternoon. The lady who answered the phone was very curt, telling me I should have called them the day before my interview, and because I hadn’t, it had been cancelled. (I re-read the email I got, and it only mentioned replying back to the email, nothing about calling the day before.)
As these have all been lower level roles, I assumed that just following the directions given to me was all that was needed. What’s the go, Alison? Should companies be acknowledging my confirmation? Should I be calling up?
Yeah, this is not how it is supposed to work. If you agree to an appointment at a specific day and time and both sides confirm it, there’s no rule that it’s off unless someone confirms again the day before. The assumption is generally that you’re both responsible people capable of keeping track of your commitments.
I note, too, that the person you spoke with conveniently put all the responsibility on you. Why were you the one in charge of confirming? If they still wanted to interview you and believe in this non-existent “must confirm the day before rule,” then why didn’t they try it themselves? They didn’t, because there’s no such rule, and because what she really meant was “we’re disorganized and forgot we had this appointment, and if you wanted to keep it, you should have reminded us.”
That said … irritating as this is, there’s no harm in confirming the day before, especially if more than a week has passed since the interview was originally scheduled. You shouldn’t have to, but since you’ve encountered this twice now, you might as well start doing that. I wouldn’t confirm by phone, though, since that’s going to be annoying to most people. Use email instead (but send it early in the day so the person has time to respond).
am I supposed to confirm interviews the day before? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
A reader writes:
I have an employee with whom I have made every attempt to keep open lines of communication, be there for him, offer assistance, be a sounding board, etc. However he repeatedly confides in a coworker when he wants to vent about something, rather than coming to me. I end up hearing about his frustration or concerns secondhand, and sometimes his venting is misdirected or uncalled for, because he is making assumptions and building a story in his own mind without having all of the details. If he would come to me first, he would have a better feel for whether it’s something he really needs to get worked up about. When I have confronted him about this before, he has even admitted that he struggles with coming to me to vent, but he can’t explain why, and he says that it would be very difficult to change his behavior. I don’t have this issue with any other employees. They all feel comfortable coming to me about anything.
What can I do to get my employee to open up to me and to see how his current MO is negatively affecting the team?
I answer this question — and four others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.
Other questions I’m answering there today include:
my employee keeps venting to his coworkers but won’t talk to me was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
A reader writes:
Short version: I truly suck at, and therefore hate, my job, but I’m otherwise a delightful person and employee — so says pretty much anyone who works with me (they don’t say “delightful,” but they use complimentary terms!). But I love my company and want to stay. Is that just a pipe dream?
Long version: I started my job about a year and a half ago. It is in the same industry I’ve worked for the past 10 years, but doing something different – I spent 10+ years doing medical billing and the new job is processing medical insurance claims. I was burned out on the collections end of medical billing and was delighted to land this position, thinking that my billing experience would be beneficial, and as a bonus, I’d never have to speak to disgruntled patients about why their bill was so high! The company I work for is fantastic – I always loved working with them from the billing side, and they are doing their best to actually HELP people with their medical care – they are not an enormous medical insurance company who doesn’t care.
It takes about six months to be fully trained to process all types of claims, so it’s a pretty intense process. For quality control, processors must maintain 98% accuracy when processing – this is done by spot-audits from another department.
Turns out, this job is JUST processing claims. I can do it, and I can even do it well, but I can’t seem to do it well consistently. I’m not meeting the accuracy standard, and it’s stupid mistakes that I know better than to make! But I get so bored, I think I just zone out. I just can’t make myself care, and I can’t convince myself that it matters. I’m more than happy to fix mistakes, but it makes more work for everyone, which is why we have the 98% standard.
My supervisors have been great about this, offering to help, checking in with me, etc, but the reality is, I just suck at this. However, my supervisors have assured me more than once that I’m a great employee, have a great attitude, and am the type of person they enjoy having on their team. It’s just … that’s not enough! I’ve never had an experience where I’ve been so consistently bad at an aspect of my job – and this isn’t an aspect, it’s the actual job! It’s disappointing, and quite frankly, it’s embarrassing!
There are no current openings within the company that I am qualified for, or that I’m interested in, but I really love this company and would like to stay. But this job is boring! My supervisors and HR even had me do a strengths assessment, which confirmed that this sort of thing isn’t great for me, but the type of job they indicate I’d be good at (marketing) is nothing I’ve ever thought of or worked in. My self-assessment is that I like “consistent variety” – I like having structure and knowing what is expected of me, but I need a little variety in there to break up the day and keep me focused. I like to feel I’ve accomplished something, whereas processing claims is literally never-ending – not even in a way that I can finish a batch and start another one.
So do I cut my losses here and just see what else is out there? I hate starting over, and haven’t really been here that long, but I’ve been trying for months to do better and just can’t seem to get it together. Thoughts? Reassurances? Advice?
Ahhhh, I so badly want to be reassuring here because I do believe you are a delightful person! But …
I wouldn’t stay at a job you’re bad at, even if they think you’re lovely and are lovely back to you.
First, there might be a point where they become less patient with the mistakes. Right now, they might be in “give it time” mode, hoping/assuming that you’ll bring your accuracy up once you’ve been there longer. If that doesn’t happen, it might not be realistic for them to keep you in the job indefinitely.
But maybe more importantly, it’s not good for you to stay in a job you’re bad at. You won’t be building a reputation for doing strong work, and at whatever point you leave, it may be harder to find your next job if you have several years (or more) of not-great work. You’ll have fewer people excited to vouch for you or connect you with job leads, and your references won’t be strong (at least in regard to your work quality). And getting used to being Not Very Good can mess with your head in ways that might be hard to shake once you leave.
Normally I’d tell you to have an honest conversation with your boss to explore whether there might be ways to tweak your role or more you into a different role entirely, but it sounds like you’ve already done that and that your manager and HR are being pretty proactive in trying to work with you on this.
So yes, it does sound like it’s time to start looking outside your company. I get that you really like them and want to stay … but your day-to-day, hour-to-hour work is going to have a lot more influence on your overall quality of life than being at a great company will (as important as that can be too). Plus, if you leave on good terms soon-ish, you’re more likely to preserve the ability to come back there in the future if a job that’s better suited for you opens up … whereas if you stay for a couple of years with a mediocre performance, that may be harder to do (especially if your manager leaves and is replaced by someone with a different take on all this).
I suck at my job but am otherwise a delightful person was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Should I throw my coworker a grandmother-to-be shower?
We work in a small-ish office 15-20 people. My longtime coworker “Jane” is about to become a first-time grandmother. I was one of the first people she shared the news with, and we almost both cried since she has been waiting years for this. She comes from a more traditional background where the children spend years on education and career then get marred and start a family. So she’s finally getting the grandchild she’s been waiting for. She and her daughter plan for her to be very involved in the child’s life.
Would it be odd to throw her an informal office grandparent shower? Is that even a thing? Most of the office is made up of parents (even management) so we have had our share of baby showers. I would love the opportunity to celebrate this meaningful milestone in her life by maybe presenting her with a gift card or something so she can get anything to make her home or any part of grandparent duty easier.
Don’t do it. Grandparent showers aren’t really a thing — or if they’re becoming a thing, they’re at least far from mainstream so far and likely to raise eyebrows from people who will wonder why they’re being asked to buy baby supplies for a grandparent (and it may seem a bit gift-grabby). And a lot of people feel stretched thin by the amount of gifts they’re already asked to buy in offices that do a lot of showers and such. You’ll also be creating a precedent where if you don’t do it for other grandparents-to-be in the future, some people will feel hurt at the difference in treatment.
It’s great that you want to support a coworker who you’re close to, though, and there are lots of other ways you can do that. Take her out for a celebratory lunch, give her a card, get a gift for the baby — whatever feels right to you. Just don’t do an office grandparent shower.
2. My boss gets excited about new ideas and then always lets them drop
My boss has been doing this a dozen times — he calls for a meeting at random times and starts pouring out his ideas at length for a special project. He uses up like 30 minutes just telling all his tales about the reason why he came up with the idea. The ideas are mostly great, so we get excited when he gives us our assignments for the project. The problem is, we seriously take on our role in the project, do all our research, and come up with concepts, but our concepts are never heard and never used. The project never gets implemented and he forgets. He will always start but never finishes. Our time is wasted and I am frustrated. What do I do?
I think I’ve worked for at least two of these bosses at some point — there are a lot of them out there. It is really frustrating — not only because you’re investing time and energy in work that’s never used, but also because it creates a situation where you have no idea what to take seriously and what to assume will go nowhere.
If this happens every time he excitedly presents a new idea, that actually makes this a little easier. In that case, you can stop taking him seriously. Assume he’s fantasizing, but don’t get too invested yourself. Wait to see what happens. You can’t ignore him entirely if he’s giving you assignments, but keep the time you spend on them pretty minimal until/unless you see signs that he’s finally serious about one of them. And remind yourself from the start of what his pattern is, so that you’re expecting it probably won’t go anywhere and so you’re not blindsided when that happens.
Also, if you have good rapport with him, you could try pointing out the pattern, and ask if there’s something you can do differently on your end to either keep the momentum going or to stop yourself from putting in more work than turns out to be needed.
3. Can I ask my employee to save up her questions rather than interrupting me throughout the day?
Someone who reports to me calls me every five minutes to ask a question or tell me something. Is there a way to ask/tell her to “bundle” her questions/comments so I’m not interrupted by her more than two or three times per day? I understand there are circumstances where answers are needed immediately and I am not referring to those.
Good lord, yes. You have to! Do it today! Just be straightforward: “Will you start saving up all your questions in bunches, so that we can go over them all at once, once or twice a day? That’ll be easier for me than answering them all separately.” If she doesn’t seem to get it, you can explain further: “I’m always glad to answer questions and talk things through with you, but generally I need to confine that to once or twice a day rather than more frequently, so that I’m able to focus on other things as well.”
And then don’t be shy about reminding her if you need to — as in, “Actually, will you save this and anything else that’s not time-sensitive until we meet later today?”
4. Should I turn off read receipts on my phone?
I realize this is low importance in the grand scheme of things, but I’m curious about your opinion anyway. I have my read receipts turned on on my iPhone, so when I text someone who has an iPhone, they can see if I have read their message or not. I occasionally text with people from work, including my manager sometimes. My friend told me she thinks it looks unprofessional to have read receipts turned on. I think it doesn’t matter as long as you aren’t intentionally opening and not answering their message. Your thoughts?
Read receipts on their own don’t look unprofessional, but it might someday create a situation where your boss texts you, sees that you read the message, and is wondering why you haven’t replied hours later. And that could potentially look unprofessional, depending on what the message was. It also might create pressure on your end to respond faster than you otherwise would. You might not care about that, in which case proceed without worrying about this. But be aware those are both possible side effects. (I have always vaguely wondered why people turn on read receipts. Your letter inspired me to finally google it and I found a bunch of odd screeds about transparency and accountability, and wow people have strong feelings about this.)
5. Should I use LinkedIn’s Easy Apply feature?
About half of the jobs that I’ve seen on LinkedIn have the Easy Apply option so that you can apply directly on the LinkedIn site. Most ask you to still submit a resume and some ask for an additional cover letter. I initially thought that applying via LinkedIn was a safe bet. The person who posted the job can match my resume to my LinkedIn profile, see if we have mutual connections and get a better general sense of who I am.
I’m starting to have second thoughts about this. I am being paranoid that applying on LinkedIn makes me look lazy? Should I just go directly to their website regardless if the LinkedIn Easy Apply option is available or not? Why would an employer make applying on LinkedIn an option if they would rather you apply on their website? A lot of the postings don’t even give instructions on how to apply.
It’s better to apply directly from the employer’s own site rather than from LinkedIn if that’s an option. Doing it from LinkedIn won’t make you look lazy, but applying directly is better (sometimes significantly so, sometimes barely so, depending on the employer). Some employers don’t pay as much attention to the applications they get from LinkedIn.
throwing a grandmother shower for a coworker, boss’s new ideas go nowhere, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand. (This one is truly no work and no school.)
Book recommendation of the week: I’ve read a string of books lately that I haven’t loved, so I have no recommendation this week. If you have one for me, please tell me below! (Current preference: literary fiction about mildly dysfunctional families.)
weekend free-for-all – July 28-29, 2018 was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
It’s the Friday open thread! The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on anything work-related that you want to talk about. If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to talk to other readers.
* If you submitted a question to me recently, please don’t repost it here, as it may be in the to-be-answered queue.
open thread – July 27-28, 2018 was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Asking for six unpaid weeks off a year
I am in my fifth year of a job that I really enjoy. I could imagine myself staying with this company for many more years, but the idea of working full-time continuously for 30 or 40 years until I retire is too much. I am also an artist, but I have trouble completing projects when I am away from home 11 hours a day for my job. Creative work that should take weeks or months takes me years to finish.
The answer seems to be that I need to reduce my work hours. I’m far from rich, but I am able to live on 60-70% of my income. One option that is available to employees in my position is to work part-time with flexible hours that are capped at 28 hours per week. If I took this option, I would lose health insurance and 401k benefits. I could probably live that way for two years before my savings ran out, but I would rather have a more long-term solution.
I have an alternative idea. I would like to give up all 15 of my PTO days in exchange for 45 unpaid days off. I’ve calculated my employer’s cost to offer one paid day off, and it is more than three times what it costs them to offer one unpaid day off (factoring in all of their insurance and tax payments). This seems like a better system because I would still have access to health care and my income wouldn’t drop more than I could manage. I would also be available to work full-time or even overtime during their busy season when they struggle to keep up with the workload.
I worry that this proposal is too unusual and that it would seem like I am trying to cheat the company. I would have to talk to the company vice president for permission. He values uniformity and dislikes giving anyone special treatment. Still, it seems like there would be no harm in asking. Do you think this is an unreasonably unusual request?
I don’t think it will seem like you’re trying to cheat the company. You’re proposing swapping paid time off for no paid time off, plus additional unpaid days off. It would be a stretch to see this as anyone being cheated.
But the more relevant question is whether your company can easily go without you in your job for an additional six weeks of the year. Looking at it strictly financially, they might come out ahead. But if they actually need someone in your position doing your work during that time, then this might not make sense for them.
That’s the biggest question that would be on my mind if I were your manager and you approached me about this: Does the workload and/or workflow of your position lend itself to you being gone that much? Or will it leave holes that be difficult to cover? If there were a slow season where you could easily do this, I’d definitely be open to it, assuming you’re an otherwise good employee. But if there isn’t much of a slow season, I’d be wondering how we’d cover your responsibilities during that time. That doesn’t mean I’d refuse to do it — if you were an outstanding employee, it might be better to have you for 43 weeks a year than someone else for 49 weeks a year. But that’s what I’d be thinking about.
2. Dealing with work after a fight with your spouse
Yesterday I had a fight with my husband (not even a huge one, but about some ongoing issues in our relationship) and today I’m finding it a little tough to be at work. I feel tired and a little on edge, like I might cry, and I’m having a hard time focusing. While this is about my relationship, I know this issue comes up for people in many different ways. Do you have any tips for being at work the day after something bad happens that makes you distracted/unfocused, but isn’t bad enough to justify staying home entirely?
It’s okay to cut yourself a break. You don’t always have to be 100% on your game at work every single day. You’re human and you’re going to have occasional days where not working at maximum capacity. As long as that’s not happening all the time, that’s fine.
I’d treat it the same way you would if you weren’t feeling very well but weren’t bad enough to stay home — work on things that are less challenging and don’t require maximum brain power, to the extent that that’s an option. Alternately, if you respond well to distractions, sometimes it can help to immerse yourself in something that will consume you for a few hours. But it’s fine to treat this like being under the weather (to the point that it’s even okay to say, “I’m a little under the weather today” if you need to explain seeming off to colleagues).
3. I was scheduled for an interview at 11 p.m.
I applied for a job online with a large retail company. Today at 1 p.m. I received an email informing me that I have been scheduled for an interview at a local location at 11 p.m., same day. The email domain appears legit but the email itself is sort of sketchy looking and provides no contact information at all. My attempts to contact anyone re: this supposed interview have been fruitless.
Why would a hiring manager schedule an interview at 11 p.m. on a weeknight? I asked a friend who works in HR and she laughed out loud. Can I conclude that this is a scam or something?
I don’t know what’s going on with it, but that is very much Not Normal. Assuming this isn’t some kind of late-night business that only runs from like 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., it’s not reasonable to ask you to show up at 11 p.m. for an interview. And simply announcing that you’ve been “scheduled” for this weird time, and on the same day you’re being told, adds a whole new level of WTF to it. I cannot explain it to you, only tell you that I wouldn’t go.
4. Should you assume a Skype interview will be on video?
Would you assume that a Skype interview would be on video or not? I finished one today that turned out to be just audio — but having been caught out once in yoga clothes and wet hair, it seems safer to expect that if it’s over Skype (or a similar technology) that there could be video involved. It’s so much more invasive in some ways than going to the company’s office!
I’m used to working remote, so getting my webcam face on and not having dirty laundry in the background is not as much a trial as it could be. But still, that’s time that could’ve been spent doing other things. (Notably, either my current job or prepping for the interview.)
Also, I work in a field (though maybe don’t we all?) that requires looking youthful and effortlessly put together. So I guess this is both a gentle reminder to anyone with hiring responsibility who interviews over Skype and a question about why employers don’t tell you what to expect. If you’re coming into my house, let me know!
With interviews, if the employer doesn’t specify, I’d default to assuming it’s going to be video (since otherwise they’re more likely to just do it by phone). But if they don’t specify, it’s fine to ask when it’s being scheduled by saying something like, “Is this a video call or just audio?”
5. Should I put department lunches on my time card?
If you’re an hourly employee and the entire department is going out to lunch for someone’s birthday — ranging anywhere from one to two hours — or holiday lunch or whatever and the boss pays, should you include that time on your time card or no?
It feels tricky because I normally don’t take a lunch (just eat at my desk) or just take 30 minutes, but these things can go for hours, they’re required (not formally, but it would look weird if everyone goes but the hourly person), and everyone else who goes is on salary so they are all getting paid to be there. What’s the etiquette for these things?
Yeah, this can be tricky. If it’s something like a team meeting over lunch, that’s work time and you should log it. If it’s “hey, let’s all take Jane to lunch for her birthday,” that’s generally considered social even if it would look weird if you didn’t go, and thus not something you’d put on your time card. Holidays lunches are more likely to be considered work time, and if they’re mandatory they definitely are, but it can vary.
The best thing to do with the not-obviously-social ones is to ask your boss. Just say, “Hey, I’m never sure if things like today’s holiday lunch should go on my time card. It feels like a work event, but I wanted to check with you.”
asking for lots of unpaid time off, a job interview at 11 p.m., and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
A reader writes:
What do you think of the policy of letting problematic employees go by eliminating their position?
I work at an organization that does this instead of firing people. Among long-time employees there’s a joke that it’s impossible to get fired here — they can think of one guy, nine years back, who was fired for theft (it was a relatively minor amount, and was not reported to police.) Everyone else with performance issues, no matter how ridiculous, eventually gets downsized.
I’m not in management or HR but I have legitimate access to a fair amount of behind-the-scenes detail due to my position. I am discreet and don’t gossip. I am amazed by some of the situations and how they’re resolved. Things drag on for months. Nobody gets a PIP to the best of my knowledge, although supervisors and HR have talked to the employees about the issues, so it’s not totally out of the blue.
I think my employer’s argument is that it’s easier to quietly get rid of difficult employees with a small severance package, and we don’t give references anyway (just confirm employment dates.) From the employee’s perspective it’s nice for reasons that you’ve outlined before — they can job-hunt while they’re still employed, and they can point to their position being eliminated as the reason they’re looking.
This happened recently to Jane, a longtime employee who I’m friendly with and actually quite like outside of work (although I’d have quit if assigned to her as my manager.) She’s bright and hardworking, but she’s prickly, condescending to everyone (including VIPs and board members who grew to dislike her), and as far as I can tell, simply cannot receive and process criticism about her management style— and management is a key part of her position. If I were Jane, the fact that I was being downsized by this company would ring all sorts of alarm bells. But she is oblivious to her own role in this, at least publicly, which I guess supports the company’s standpoint that there’s no point in trying to discuss it with her further.
Do employers “owe” more honesty to problem employees? I can’t help feeling like they’re doing her an enormous disservice. At the same time, I can see from her reaction that firing her would likely have been a lot more arduous than quietly easing her out. I thought about leveling with her, even at the risk of costing us our friendship. But I don’t think I can, partly because I can’t divulge knowledge of some of the details, but mostly because they’ve clearly opted for the “it’s not you, it’s us” routine. I feel management could have made clear to her something along the lines of: we’re letting you go because you’ve alienated so many people, and you need to seriously evaluate your soft skills if you’re going to succeed in this kind of role elsewhere.
This has happened with five employees in the time I’ve been here (although obviously the details differ). Each one of them was angry and hurt, and seemingly oblivious to their role in the situation, and anyone else in the organization would say they should have seen it coming, so a reasonable person wouldn’t be in that position in the first place. I can’t articulate why but this seems like a terrible policy to me.
It’s a morale issue for coworkers who are glad to see Jane finally go but resentful of the circumstances. Full disclosure that I was fired once — nicely. I was hired to do X but the job turned out to be much more Y and I was terrible at it. But being fired, while totally humiliating to me in the moment, was ultimately a great learning experience that informed a lot of my behavior going forward, both in gaining clarity about a position during job interviews and in how to reach out for help while working. Several years later I actually wrote a thank-you to them. Anyway, I’d love your thoughts on the topic.
First of all, did they really eliminate those positions? Or did they re-fill them soon after?
If they re-filled them, those weren’t “position eliminations” at all, and if any of those “laid off” people noticed that, they’re going to feel lied to … and when people you let go think you lied to them about the reason, they often start wondering if the real reason was something illegal (discrimination, retaliation for reporting harassment, etc.). That’s when people consult lawyers and you end up dealing with legal headaches, even if there wasn’t any actual illegal action.
If they didn’t re-fill those jobs and did genuinely eliminate the positions, then I’m wondering whether it actually made good business sense to cut those roles (in which case, fine) or whether they lost roles they actually needed just so they could call it a lay-off and avoid the hard conversation of firing someone. (Here’s the difference in the two terms.) I suspect it was the latter, since it seems unlikely that every time your company has let a low performer go, it just happened to conveniently be a role they wanted to eliminate anyway.
But even aside from that, it’s generally a bad practice to do this. It means that your employer probably isn’t having honest conversations with people about their performance, which means that they’re not giving people a chance to improve, which means that people are losing their jobs without realizing there were serious problems, which means they’re being blindsided by something pretty terrible (on top of the aforementioned lack of any chance to fix it). It also means your company’s managers aren’t managing, since laying out clear expectations and holding people to them and talking to people when they need to things differently are all fundamental parts of a manager’s job.
It also means that other people — people who aren’t being fake-laid-off — are seeing this happen and realizing that they too might be blindsided with this one day, rather than hearing it straight when their work has problems. And they might wonder what else the company misleads people about, or what else they’re too weak-willed to deal with in an honest, up-front way.
So sure, it’s easier in the short-term to just announce to someone one day that their position is being eliminated and “hey, we’re so sorry but there’s not any work for you.” Now they don’t have to have a hard conversation about what it really stemmed from! But it’s a terrible practice for all the reasons above.
Firing is not some terrible, shameful thing that companies need to hide and send themselves into contortions to avoid. If they’re fair with employees and lay out clear expectations and are candid with people when they’re not meeting them and give them a chance to improve, they don’t need to — and shouldn’t — hide what the decision is really about when they decide to let someone go.
is it bad to lay people off instead of firing them? was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
A reader writes:
I work as a consultant for a few small nonprofits. Recently, the manager of one of the organizations I work for retired. She and I worked together for several years and our communications styles matched in that we both generally preferred using email over the phone for most things (except for calls we’d plan in advance or in extreme emergencies).
The organization’s new manager has taken to calling me multiple times a day to “check in” on things that I’ve already emailed him updates about, or on things we agreed to follow up on later, pending additional info I’m still waiting for. Other times, he will randomly call to have some big group discussion about something, without prior planning. Several times, that has happened when I was away from my desk and then it becomes an issue of where am I and when will I be able to call back, which means I need to get to my desk as soon as I can.
What’s more, he will leave totally useless voicemails when I don’t answer, saying things like “Hi, it’s (name). Call me back.” I mean… if you’re going to leave a voicemail, at least SAY SOMETHING in the voice mail beyond that you just called, which I can already see based on the three missed calls I’ve had from you in the past 20 minutes.
In addition to being annoying and distracting, this dynamic of constant phone calls is really stressing me out. I’m a consultant, not an employee, which means that I’m not accountable to the org for my whereabouts and activities during the day so long as my work gets done (which it does) and this constant barrage of calls is making me feel chained to my desk and phone at all times. And believe me, they don’t pay me “chained to my desk” money. Beyond that, his numerous “check-ins” on items I am actively working on are making me feel hounded, nagged, and micromanaged.
My friend advised me to try to “train” the new manager in how to communicate with me by telling him “I’m not available by phone, but I will be available by email” and by responding immediately to all emails, but not answering my phone. I’ve tried this, but so far it hasn’t been working. If I don’t pick up, I can usually expect several more missed calls until I finally bite the bullet and call back. And the issues he’s calling about are never “emergencies.”
This is making me crazy and the longer I let it continue, the harder it will be to make it stop. It’s to the point where he and I chat on the phone six, seven times in a single day. Are there more direct – but still professionally acceptable – way to tell him that he simply cannot call me so often?
I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.
my client wants me to be constantly available was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
I’m throwing this question out to readers because frankly I don’t have good answers for this one, and I’m hoping in particular that readers with experience in sex work will weigh in. Here’s the letter:
I have a bit of a strange question. I want to get into sex work, specifically as a professional dominatrix. It’s going to take time to build up my skills and client base so I plan to keep working my day job for some time anyway, but I want to be as prepared as I can and I know I might not want to do sex work forever, especially if the laws change (I’m not in the U.S., it’s legal where I am, albeit with restrictions, but the government is definitely anti-sex work) or if (touch wood) I get assaulted or if my circumstances just change.
How would I go about moving back into a more typical career path post-sex work? How would I handle interviews if that happens? I’d register as self-employed for tax purposes anyway and I’m aware that much of sex work is the business side of things (advertising, negotiating with clients, planning etc.) but I can’t imagine I could talk about it in an interview given the nature of the work. Can you imagine? “Yes, I have strong negotiating skills that I developed from discussing whether to use a flogger or a cane with my clients.” That’d go well.
So how could I minimise the impact doing sex work could have on a possible future career? Ideally I’d want to do pro Domme work full time eventually and at least semipermanently, but I know there are always going to be risks (possibly getting outed, evicted, fired from other jobs, assaulted, lack of support from police or courts if anything happens). I’m willing to take that chance, but I’d naturally prefer to mitigate those risks as much as possible and I want to leave other doors at least partially open. Any advice?
(Also, this might just be the only job where it’s appropriate to call someone “Master”!)
Readers, what’s your advice?
ask the readers: moving back to mainstream jobs after sex work was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.
The allure of the entertainment industry is one-of-a-kind. When you see the Hollywood sign on the hill overlooking Los Angeles, one glance and you are sucked into the energy, creativity, and history it represents. But behind the red carpets and glitz are millions of hard-working people, whose passion for their work far outweighs the bright lights and glamour of the industry. Having spent my entire career booking talent in New York, Los Angeles and beyond, I get asked for advice on the best ways to break into the entertainment business. So, here is a countdown of tips I have learned along the way:
Few people in the industry are natives to the big entertainment hubs of New York and Los Angeles and it may take some time to make ‘the big move.’ But that doesn’t mean you can’t start pursuing your dream now. Seek out local opportunities to get your foot in the door. Every town has local news and radio stations, a theatre, or commercial production house and all of them need help. Ask about an internship or part-time job there and start getting familiar with the industry in your own area. Hands-on experience will resonate with potential employers down the road and local experience beats out zero experience every time.
Platforms like LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram have become important tools in connecting us with each other professionally as well as personally. Embrace them. Take time to find companies you are interested in or professionals with careers you want to emulate, and reach out. Get out there and attend events that interest you. A short, friendly note that introduces yourself, explains your passion and asks for an informational chat to learn is sometimes all it takes to open a new door. People love to share their experiences and know the importance of networking with the next generation of professionals. So don’t be shy about asking for the most important resource available, knowledge.

You think you want to work in the entertainment industry? Not everyone can be an influencer or director so dig deeper and look at all the opportunities the industry has to offer. Find out about different careers in each field, the skill sets needed and what jobs are emerging. The more you know about the industry and the field you are in as a while, the more you’ll be able to identify potential opportunities. And once you find a job you are interested in applying for? Research some more. There is nothing that impresses a potential employer more than someone who has true knowledge and understanding of the industry, company, and role.
Being organized is one of the best qualities to have in any career; the entertainment industry is one of the fastest moving industries out there and executives are looking for people that they can rely on and who display good work habits. Take the time to make sure you are not only prepared for what is asked of you, but also anticipate an alternate need or one that wouldn’t be asked of you. If you talk about the daily newsletter you wrote in college, have the digital example ready to share as well as a hard copy for them as a take away. It could distinguish you from the competition.

Once you get that ‘foot in the door’ job, get ready to get your hands dirty. No matter how menial the task, try to excel at every opportunity. Real talk: millennials have a reputation that they don’t want to work hard and want things handed to them. If this is you then you aren’t going to make it in this industry. Learning the fundamentals are so important to building your career and executing them well makes a lasting impression in the business; we notice those who put in 110% effort. And the payoff down the line is so worth it. Those menial tasks are the foundation for your knowledge of all things.
I can’t stress this enough. Stay in touch with everyone you meet and truly try to get to know them. People are incredibly dynamic and you don’t always see that in the workplace. The people you meet at your first job are going to be rising the ranks with you as the years go by. Meet with them. Hang with them. Stay in touch with them. Will everyone be great? Absolutely not. And that is okay. You can’t control how others behave, only how you do. If someone isn’t nice to you, don’t let it get under your skin. Consume your time with bettering yourself and strengthening relationships with people whose values align with yours.
Be true to who you are, find your passions and rock them. Whether you’re a music junkie or a film buff, be passionate about it and let the world know. Don’t try to become what you think people want. Individuality is what truly makes the entertainment industry thrive and not just for those who are on camera. The business side of the industry is filled with people with amazingly creative and diverse interests and it leads to success. Who knows, maybe you could land a gig because you’re the gal who “always knows what concerts are in town” or “finds the best kid-friendly activities on the weekends.” Each of my employees has their passions and I rely on them for information about that certain topic or area of interest.

Always be nice to people. I don’t think there is any better advice. Hollywood is like high school and people talk. Inherent kindness is the best way to differentiate yourself with employers, colleagues, and clients. No one likes a bitch.
As C.E.O. of Cultivated Entertainment, Jen oversees all accounts. She works directly with her clients using her impeccable work ethic and talent expertise.
Before establishing Cultivated, Jen was Head of Talent for production company Embassy Row. There she developed, casted and booked talent for all productions. In her role she worked harmoniously with all producers and productions to ensure that their talent needs were met with aplomb.
Jen started in the industry as a field producer for Fox News. She then moved to the heavy booking desks at CAA and ICM. Being on the side of talent representation developed Jen’s unique insider perspective on how talent and their teams operate. After being offered a position to run the talent department for a cable network’s daily talk show, Jen left the agency world but continued to foster great relationships with talent and their reps in this new role. Beyond this, she continued roles as a talent booker, producer and developer until she joined Embassy Row, then founded Cultivated Entertainment.
Jen thrives at what she does because she loves dealing with people. She cares about the relationships she has Cultivated over the years, and works every day to create and foster new ones. Jen pours her heart into every project and guarantees that every client is thrilled with exceptional results.
The post Bright Lights: Tips on Breaking into the Entertainment Industry appeared first on Ms. Career Girl.
Some of this week’s best visuals highlight information important to your career and job search!
I’m re-sharing these visuals to drive home some important points about LinkedIn, skills needed in the future workforce and trends on independent workers and Baby Boomers in the workforce. You’ll also find the full article or report to review for yourself!
How To Create A Real All-Star LinkedIn Profile [INFOGRAPHIC]
by Melonie Dodaro, Top Dog Media on YouTern
There’s so much you can do with your LinkedIn profile to attract employers! Clearly, this profile is for a business owner. However, you have just as much to market. Adapt some of Melonie’s ideas and follow these tips.
Skill, Re-skill and Re-skill Again. How to Keep Up with the Future of Work
by Stephane Kasriel, CEO, Upwork | World Economic Forum
Don’t be afraid of robots taking your job. Instead, be on the lookout for new skills and trends that will help you prepare for the 2020 workforce (and beyond).
This quote from the article explains why re-skilling is important.
The days of working for 40 years at one job and retiring with a good pension are gone. Now the average time in a single job is 4.2 years, according to the US. Bureau of Labor Statistics. What’s more, 35% of the skills that workers need — regardless of industry — will have changed by 2020.
Also from the WEF report is this quote… I hope this opens some eyes!
MBO Partners State of Independence In America 2018
by MBO Partners
Do you have a side hustle or are you thinking about one? MBO’s report provides more data on freelancing, independent contracting and other forms of independent work.
Boomer Bulge Still Impacts Labor Force
by Kim Blanton of Squared Away blog by Center for Retirement Research A Boston College
Marc Miller of Career Pivot shared this on social media and I had to reshare it! The infographic and research is from Georgetown University’s Center for Retirement Initiatives.
Have a great week and remember… drive your job search!
The post Summary Sunday: Best Career Visuals of the Week appeared first on Career Sherpa .